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Screen Shot 2013-11-20 at 10.57.12 AMOf the 93% of Americans that use cell phones or wireless devices, one-third of them are using “smartphones,” with which you can browse the Web and check e-mail. In other words, most of us are spending our days walking around with our eyes glued to our phone screens, as chillingly demonstrated in this telling YouTube short.

Some experts say it’s time to take a step back and reassess. They worry that kids won’t know what it’s like to have a conversation or actually look someone in the eyes when they tell a story.

In her powerful TED talk, Sherry Turkle claims that the little devices in our pockets are so psychologically powerful that they not only change what we do – they’re also changing who we are in our minds and our hearts, by allowing us three gratifying fantasies: that we can put our attention wherever we want it to be; that we will always be heard; and that we will never have to be alone.

But that’s just what they are – fantasies. And while we’re indulging in them, we’re tuning out the people who are physically present in the room with us. Some of the familiar things we now do with our devices – taking calls while out to dinner, checking Facebook during board meetings, texting while on a date – are things that only a few years ago we would have found odd or disturbing. Now it’s simply how we do things. Instead of never being alone, it seems we are getting accustomed to “a new way of being alone, together.”

“Parents text and do email at breakfast and at dinner. Their children complain about not having their parents’ full attention, but then these same children deny each other their full attention. We even text at funerals. I study this. We remove ourselves from our grief, or from our reverie, and we go into our smartphones.” If it’s true that attention is the rarest and purest form of generosity, then one could argue that smartphones are making us less generous human beings, unable to give each other the attention we crave.

Real conversations are unpredictable – and un-erase-able – and real relationships are engrossing and messy, but technology renders both neat and clean – keeping others at just the right distance: not too close to see the real you, and not too far that they can’t “hear” what you’re saying.

But having real conversations with each other is how we learn to have conversations with ourselves. Hiding from real, unscripted, unpredictable conversations with each other can compromise our capacity for self-reflection. And as smartphones burrow ever deeper into our lives, and Google Glass threatens to erode our personal space even further, finding ways to unplug is becoming more appealing – perhaps even more vital – than ever.

If you or someone you love is struggling with smart phone addiction, download Fast Company’s printable guide to unplugging and check out their collection of thought-provoking articles on the subject here.

Until next time,

Kelli Richards, President, CEO of the All Access Group, LLC

PS: Subscribe to my FREE All Access Group Newsletter https://bit.ly/AAGNewletter

PSS: Listen to an entire library of intimate discussions with industry visionaries https://bit.ly/AllAccessPodcastSeries (Priceless)

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